Sunday, September 15, 2013

moved to drjourno.com

Finally News Excuse has moved to a DOT COM site...
Sounds professional, eh? Well News Excuse has also evolved, and now further posts can be read at
www.drjourno.com
This new site is built on wordpress platform, and I must say, I am missing blogspot like hell.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

A letter to Malala Attackers

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST MERCIFUL AND BENEFICENT
From a brother of Malala to Adnan Rasheed

Mr. Adnan Rasheed
I am writing to you in my personal capacity, as I'm shocked by what you have written to Malala Yousafzai, my sister by religion.
Whether Islam permits attacking a girl, that too in her early teens, or not; I'm surprised you do not want to argue about it. And yet you have the audacity to say your emotions for Malala were brotherly. In Islam, and in our culture (and I suppose in your culture too), we do not have very nice words for a brother whose sister is attacked, and he sides with attackers. 
In BBC Urdu, as far as I have read, Malala had only written about woes for not being able to go to school, because Taliban were blowing them. 
So you guys have a bullet for every dissenting voice. Couldn't they JUST WRITE A LETTER explaining their reasons to blow schools (just as you did in your letter)?
You say education being imparted by these schools is wrong, therefore blowing them up is right; so why don't Taliban open their own schools to impart the RIGHT education. Why can't they offer an alternative, and let people adopt it by their own free will? Why can't they let PEOPLE decide if they want admission in Madrassas or Schools?
For justification of attacks on anti-polio teams, you quote Bertrand Russell, "diet, injections, and injunctions will combine, from a very early age, to produce the sort of character, and sort of beliefs that the authorities consider desirable."
If this means polio vaccine is bad, and attacking anti-polio teams is right, then why don't Taliban INVENT an Islamic polio vaccine, to produce the sort of character that they desire? And till that Islamic polio vaccine is made, please advice what nation should meanwhile to avoid being crippled by the disease?
And let me make it very clear, I'm against killings of innocent people, whether these killings are carried out by Americans or by Taliban (that includes drone attacks and suicide bombings). I am sure you also have some justification of killing 40,000 Pakistanis (most of them Muslims) and crippling hundreds and thousands of others. 

And lastly, please do not kill me for writing this letter. 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

I was recommended by ISI: A PTI candidate admits on TV


Professor Abdul Rauf Dola is a PTI candidate from NA 146 Okara. In a television interview, he admits that he was recommended by ISI (Pakistan's spy agency). This is a shocking revelation, because one cannot imagine how many other candidates had similar 'recommendations'.
You can watch the clip here. The said talk is at 10th minute.

Monday, April 8, 2013

جب آفتاب اقبال نے مجھے کہا "تم کبھی اچھے صحافی نہیں بن سکتے!"

اردو ڈائجسٹ کےلیےایک فیچرکررہےتھے، کہ معیاری مزاح کیا ہے اور غیر معیاری کیا؟ سوچا آفتاب اقبال سے بھی رابطہ ہونا چاہیے۔ سب سے زیادہ اعتراضات انہی پر تھے۔ ٹیلی فون کیا، ’’سر اس موضوع پر آپ سے گفتگو کرنی ہے، اگر پانچ منٹ مل جائیں۔‘‘ فرمانے لگے ’’ابھی تو میں بہت مصروف ہوں، آپ تین ہفتے بعد رابطہ کیجیے گا‘‘
ہم ہکا بکا رہ گئے۔ سوچا آفتاب اقبال صاحب شاید سمجھ رہے ہیں ہم نے کئی گھنٹوں کی گفتگو کرنی ہے، یہ سوچ کر اگلے دن ان کے پروگرام خبرناک کی ریکارڈنگ میں جا پہنچے کہ ہمیں تو کل پانچ منٹ درکار ہیں بات کرنے کے لیے۔ وہاں خاصی چہل پہل تھی، آفتاب اقبال ہر تھوڑی دیر بعد کسی نہ کسی پر برہم ہو رہے تھے۔ حیرت ہوئی، کہ ہنسنے ہنسانے والے پروگرام کا میزبان خود اس قسم کی علت میں مبتلا نظر نہیں آتا۔پھر یاد آیا کہ وہ تو دوران پروگرام بھی اکثر ڈانٹتے ہی پایا جاتا ہے۔ ہاں جب پروگرام کے فن کار کوئی مزاحیہ بات کہہ دیں تو وہ کندھے ہلا کر اور مونچھیں پھڑپھڑا کر ایسی حرکات ضرور کرتا ہے جن پر ہنسی کا گمان گزرے۔
ہمیں صحافت میں کچھ عرصہ تو ہو ہی چلا ہے، اکثر اوقات کسی نہ کسی کڑی صور ت حال اور سڑیل انسان سے واسطہ رہتا ہے۔ ایک گُر ہمیشہ آزمایا اور سر خرو رہے ۔ احترام سے اور عزت سے بات کرتے ہیں، مخاطب پرلے درجے کا خصیص بھی ہو تو جوابی احترام ضرور دیتا ہے۔ ہم اسٹوڈیو کے سامنے دم سادھے بیٹھے تھے۔ اس دوران وقفہ ہوا، کیمرے کی موجودگی کی وجہ سے آفتاب اقبال کے چہرے پر کسی قسم کی مسکراہٹ کا شائبہ تھا تووہ اب غائب ہو چکی تھی۔ وہ چائے کا کپ پکڑے اپنے مہمان یاسر پیرزادہ سے محو گفتگو تھے۔ کچھ ہمت بندھی، کچھ فیچر کی ذمہ داری کا خیال دامن گیر ہوا۔
’’السلام و علیکم سر‘‘ ہم منمنائے
’’وعلیکم السلام‘‘ رعونت بھرا جواب آیا
’’سر کل آپ سے ٹیلی فون پر بات ہوئی تھی، ہم آج اس اُمید پر چلے آئے بس چند منٹ گفتگو کا وقت مل جائے۔ ‘‘
انگریزی میں گویا ہوئے:
Thank you very much, come after three weeks,I never invited you to come.
’’ہم واپسی کی راہ لینے لگے کہ آفتاب اقبال کا اگلا سوال آیا ’’آپ یہاں آئے کیوں؟ کس نے کہا تھا آپ کو آنے کا؟‘‘
ہم ہکا بکا رہ گئے…کہ جناب مزید گویا ہوئے’’کس نے صحافی بنایا ہے آپ کو؟‘‘
’’معافی چاہتا ہوں ‘‘ ہمارے اوسان خطا ہو چلے تھے
Yes, you should be very sorry. اب آفتاب اقبال کی آواز مزید بلند ہوتی گئی۔ ’’آپ کا کیا خیال تھا میں یہاں آپ کو بٹھا کے انٹرویو دوں گا؟‘‘
ہمیں سارا ہال گھومتا محسوس ہوا،آفتاب اقبال بولتا جارہاتھا، ہم جانا چاہتے تھے لیکن وہیں گڑے رہے، شاید خفت کے احساس سے قدم حرکت کرنا بھول گئے تھے۔
’’تم کبھی اچھے صحافی نہیں بن سکتے
You can never be a good professional.”Now Go!!!
احساس ذلت سے سُن ہوئے قدموں سے چلتے ہوئے اسٹوڈیو سے باہر آ کر ڈھے سے گئے۔
اب اسی منظر کو دوبارہ سوچتے ہیں تو جھرجھری سی آجاتی ہے۔ یہ بھی یاد آتا ہے کہ ڈانٹ کھانے کے دوران کتنی ہی بار ہم نے مدد طلب نظروں سے یاسر پیرزادہ کی جانب دیکھا تھا۔ ہماری بے عزتی کا منظر وہ بھی دیکھ رہے تھے؟ یہ منظر اور کون کون دیکھ رہا ہے، جاننے کے لیے ارد گرد بھی دیکھا تھا، یہ خیال بھی آیا تھا کہ آفتاب اقبال بات نہیں کرنا چاہتا، تو ایک حرف انکار کافی تھا، اس ڈانٹ ڈپٹ کی کیا ضرورت ہے؟
ہم نے فیچر کے لیے نجم سیٹھی سے بھی رابطہ کیاتھا۔ وہ آفتاب اقبال سے کہیں بلندپایہ شخصیت ہیں، صحافتی قد کاٹھ بھی خاصا بڑا ہے، وہ نہایت خوش اخلاقی سے پیش آئے۔ آخر ایسا کیا تھا جس نے آفتاب اقبال کواخلاق سے عاری کر دیا۔ یہی رویہ ان کے پروگرام میں بھی بار بار دیکھنے کو ملتا ہے۔ ایک بڑے مقام پر بیٹھ کر ایسا طرز عمل کہ جس کا شائستگی اور اخلاقیات سے کوئی تعلق ہی نہ ہو؟
اس بات کا بھی اندازہ ہوا کہ ٹی وی پر مسکراتے چہروں کے پیچھے کیسے کیسے خوفناک انسان چھپے ہیں۔
ہم شاید کچھ سال اور سختیاں سہہ کر کبھی اچھے صحافی بن ہی جائیں گے، لیکن آفتاب اقبال! تم کبھی اچھے انسان نہیں بن سکتے۔

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Musharraf returns: Give the devil his due!


The former dictator is back, and this time, he is not wearing his uniform. I seriously do not know what our dear Commando is up to; do I hear anyone chanting “Pervez Musharraf Zindabad”?

However, his return has made me recall the years from 1999 to 2008. Almost 10 long years! We used to have less bomb blasts then, less load-shedding and commodities were available at much cheaper prices.

After Musharraf, we were constantly told that “democracy is the best revenge”. Now that the government is over, it is our turn to take revenge. But does that mean we should give amnesty to Musharraf for his unconstitutional moves?

Yes, our ‘elected’ politicians failed to deliver. After five years of acute mismanagement, they could not even forge consensus on the caretaker prime minister.

These years of democratic rule were surely a mess.

That is to the status quo, during Pervez Musharraf’s era were surely much better than they are now. But does that absolve him of all the crimes he committed?

Shall he not be tried for overthrowing the democratically elected government, for starting the Kargil war and not taking the prime minister into confidence, for committing crimes against humanity, for the murder of Nawab Akbar Bugti or for the massive loss of lives at Red Mosque?

Shall we give a warm welcome to Musharraf on his return?

Musharraf was an army chief, and the army is known to take care of the fraternity, but Musharraf is also a criminal. He overruled the Constitution, which he was supposed to protect. After 9/11, his decisions jeopardised the country’s safety.

These are serious crimes indeed. And if the army tries to shield Musharraf from prosecution for these offences, it can bring a bad name to the organisation. Aiding a criminal is also a crime and Musharraf should be given exemplary punishment for his crimes.

Therefore, he should face the courts like an ordinary politician, without the help from men in uniform. Men in uniform should also keep their distance from him. If he is tried and brought to justice, the army should not interfere and should accept the decision of the courts.

I strongly recommend that we give the devil his due.

This was originally published in Express Tribune.

Monday, February 11, 2013

English Vinglish: A true account

An employee was going to perform Umrah. Before his departure, he sent this e-mail to all his colleagues and management.
  
"
I'm going to Performed the UM-RAH. Fourteen in February and 7TH March., Where you will have to bear the separation from the Holy Happy day to you all to remember if I have to., I hope you all errors from 'm sorry for.

@!#$%^&*
Lahore   "

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Maria Khan, a new vigilante after Maya Khan


Meet Doctor Maria Zulfiqar Khan, she hosts a programme "baat say baat" on Express News, conducts "raids" and is a new vigilante in Pakistani media market.

In her recent programme, she conducted a self-styled raid on a massage center in Lahore, accused it of being a "sex center" and harassed the women over there.

Although police was accompanying her, but she played being in charge, gave orders to policemen, like ان کو پکڑیں جی (arrest them), or یہ دروازے کھلوائیں جی (get these doors unlocked) etc.

In the programme, we see women helplessly trying to hide their faces, pleading the cameraman not to shoot. We also see the so-called anchor, searching through the house, going through handbag of a lady, putting the particulars on table, picking up a condom, flipping it in face of the lady and shouting "یہ کیا ہے، یہ کیا ہے" (what is this? what is this?).
Maria Khan also plays being an interrogator, cross-questioning employees, and when the answers do not match, telling the lady to "at least corroborate your 'bloody' story." During her 'investigation' she also threatens handing one woman over to the police if she did not tell the truth. At one point, not agreeing to the answers of her respondents, she says sarcastically, "yeah right, tell that to the cops when they take you."
At 19th minute of the programme, she is seen ordering the girls to "get up and get your passports".

At the end of the programme (approx 32nd minute onwards) she visits house of one of the girls working in the massage center. From there, she calls the father of the girl, and confronts him by saying کس قسم کے جاہل اور جلاد آدمی ہیں آپ (what kind of a cruel and ignorant man you are), and شرم نہیں آتی تمہیں، فوراً یہاں پہنچو (don't you have any sense of honour, get here quickly), and tells her audience یہ آدمی اپنی بیٹی سے دھندہ کراتا ہے، کس قسم کا جانور اور درندہ صفت انسان ہے (this man made her daughter a prostitute, what an animal he is).

And all the while, the programme was being supplemented with lines flashing this text


بات سے بات نے کیا مساج سینٹرز کا پردہ چاک
baat say baat exposed massage centers

مساج سینٹرز کی آڑ میں جسم فروشی کا دھندہ
prostitution in guise of massage centers

مساج سینٹر یا عیاشی کے اڈے
massage centers or bases of immoral activities

مساج سینٹر، جہاں جسم سجتے ہیں بازار بن کر
massage centers, where bodies are sold

زبان سمجھ نہیں آتی مگر "کام" سمجھ آتا ہے
they do not understand the 'language' but do understand their 'work'. (this one referring to the Chinese nationality of the massage center owner)

Questions:
  1. Who gave Doctor Maria Zulfiqar Khan rights to conduct "raids" when it is responsibility of police?
  2. Does she have authority to barge into any one's house, demand a 'search', go through personal belongings, harass, talk in a harsh tone, insult, telling the police to arrest someone, and pass judgements?
  3. Can the cameras shoot any person if he is not willing to be shot?

Answers to all questions:
  • NO, NOT AT ALL
Conclusion:

We previously had a vigilante Maya Khan, she raided dating couples in parks; social-media protests made her apologise for compromising journalistic standards. So what shall we do about our new vigilante named Maria Khan.

POST SCRIPT: If you want to watch the complete programme, you can watch it here

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Why Zero Dark Thirty is Zero Hot Thirty


All female agents of CIA are blond & beautiful. 
This is what Zero Dark Thirty (a film about Bin Laden's hunt), tells about CIA. And watching the complete film can reveal a few more interesting things regarding CIA.
For example;
To obtain a telephone number, CIA bribes people with Lamborghinis instead of looking into a directory.
Be-fooling CIA is very easy; all you have to do is yell, "hey! I've can lead you to Al-Qaeda."
CIA guys are horrible at pronouncing Arabic names.
While putting reputation of their country, and lives of SEAL team at risk, CIA was not 100% sure about Osama Bin Laden’s existence in Abbotabad.
CIA thinks they found OBL on their own (Maya, heroine of the film called him UBL, I think she writes Osama with U).
Apart from CIA, Kathryn Bigelow, director of the film, seems to be obsessed with burqas; in the scene of OBL's compound raid, a few women are shown sleeping with their burqas on. And, in most of the outdoor shots of Pakistan, we hear sound of Azaan (prayer call) in background. Perhaps she doesn't know that Muslim offer only five prayers in a day.

Post Script: Those who do not comment on this blog post, will be hunt just like OBL :) 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Women! aren't you being exploited?

Photo courtesy http://www.joe.ie/
Pictures of these bikini clad women might be offensive for my readers in Pakistan, but even more offensive to me is the way these poor women are being treated.
Let me explain; these women were contesting in "Miss Snow Universe" competition. The picture is taken in Siberia, and they were made to take their cloths off in -21C temperature.
A mere mention of that -21C temperature made me shiver. I thought to myself, "are the organizers insane? Aren't the girls participating in the competition equally insane?"
Isn't it exploitation in the name of competition? 
And then I read renowned feminist, Zillah Eisenstein bashing Zero Dark Thirty as against feminism. She called it dark, zero-feminism,because ZDT tries to justify US war revenge through a pretty red-head white woman, obsessed with catching Osama Bin Laden.
I was wondering if Zillah or other feminists has something to write about girls being exposed to severe temperatures just for the fun of it?
I was wondering if anyone else also thinks that those bikini clad women were being exploited? 

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Making money through blogging...adsense is nonsense!

I was naive enough to fall for this "making money online" crap. Google searches are filled with untrue stories of people telling us how they got rich through blogging. Reading all that nonsense made me think of starting a blog. I fantasized about getting lots of visitors and being paid in billions (OKAY, millions).

So, I applied for a Google adsense account. But there is the catch, you get advertisements on your blog through Google, but you will be paid ONLY IF someone clicks on them. And you cannot ASK anyone to click (that means, clicks have to be free-willed). Thus, even if your blog is attracting thousands of visitors a day, and no one is clicking on the lousy ads, you are going to get nothing. Yes Sir! NOTHING.

This implies, Google makes it your responsibility to write stuff, attract online visitors, and MAKE people CLICK those ads.

HOW UNJUST! I want to ask Google, if advertisements are not attractive enough (and no one wishes to click them), what is the fault of blogger.

My blog is up since 2010, and in three years I have made how much??? FOUR DOLLARS. Yes Sir, only four dollars. Google says that it will start paying after I cross threshold of $100. With this speed, I will cross the threshold in 25 year. Now I'm cursing myself for falling in to this absurdity.

And so, isn't all that crap about making money online just rubbish?

Guys, if someone is fooling you with this concept of making billions through adsense, blogspot, or Google, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

Blog for the fun of it, stop thinking of earning anything.

Bye.


Friday, January 18, 2013

Tahir ul Qadri and family's return ticket


This is a print screen image from Emirates website, telling Tahir ul Qadri and family's departure details